Tuesday, August 26, 2014

...My Fifty Shades of Story...

Kind of nerd, I’ve been spent most of my whole day by reading book and working currently…
Fifty Shades Trilogy has attract me so much, especially about the way Christian Grey treat his love, Anastasia Steele and how he took control the whole life to make it stand still ;p (an exaggerated comment, right?!)

And the story is…this’s funny how that book affects me so much to move forward and left all those fuckin memories behind. Once upon a time, I have received a text came from him…wants to meet me before his wedding ceremony which will be held in a 2 months. How ashamed while he said it’s too costly to meet me…and actually that statement has dragged him down (in front of me). I’am not comparing him with Grey..yes, because it’s stupid comparing human with fiction figure. Well but, by reading that book, I’ve learned how a man suppose to treat a woman…furthermore..about manhandle-thingy…

But, after all this time, I feel he’s not worth…
I remember how I fly to Jakarta from Bali, just to meet him, met him for 2-3 hours…he talked about how high the cost to come to Jakarta, it’s such a coward…ah allright, that’s fine…time to move forward

Again about Fifty Shades Trilogy…am now reading toward finish of second book – Fifty Shades Darker.
Christian Grey, reminds me about the men in the past…how he control the situation and very overprotected to me. Sometimes I missed the way he treats me about…
~All of sudden, in a night…he suddenly stand in front of my dorm-gate, waiting me to open it, coming from Bali to Surabaya…hahaha, give me a lot of surprise and made me up and downs…
~Beatrice and Virgil which is expensive but he finally bought it to me as my birthday present
~The way he really protects me…
No matter how bad he is, I have appreciated everything good he did to me…

Wishing of meeting kind of Grey in the future??
Who doesn’t want to meet that kind of guy?? Hahaha *insane*

I wish I’ll meet somebody good somehow…my vanilla conquest!

*Continue reading Fifty Shades

Monday, August 18, 2014

...talking to grandmom

It’s the first time I cried to my grandmother, yesterday…expressed how hurt it is.

Well, I have never been crying like that, am too shy to cry for help, even to my grandma-the only one Mom I have after mother’s gone years ago. I’ve been write his name down in a piece of paper, hoping for grandmom to acknowledge and research…

It feels so hard, yet I don’t have any idea, what effort I need to do to get some help.
Here we were, she said there’s nothing I can do. Parent’s blessings are very crucial and lead the future life. Then I cry harder, like there were needles piercing this heart

At least I’ve tried. I withdraw the paper with his name and went back to Jakarta, still with cry…throw back the paper somewhere, in public toilet.

Jeez, I’ve never been this hurt…

I've been thought with logic, strive so hard to consider this's the best I got.
But, heart speaks louder than mind...

Friday, August 15, 2014

...be where you are

As stated in today’s theme…”Be where you are”

It’s sometime hard to apply these words.

Nisa Mitchel said in her song Neopolitan Dreams - “you’re not 100% not the room”. Have you been there, in those kind of situation?”. Me? It is often happened. I thought it’s been towards 2 years, since I thought I lost my happiness.

I have been moving over 2 locations, first moving to Bekasi and now I’ve been in a new job, in central mother city. But it feels like I’ve never been here, my mind. So where am I? It feels like I’ve never belong to this place, these locations…I sheltered once but those pretty live has been gone (towards forever).

Yet, I have never been found any rather place to go or belong. Towards 2 years and now, all those expectation, umm..no not expectation-because I have no courage to hope anymore…all those things in my mind-will be gone forever.

I’ve been travelling to many places in this current years, seeing new people-seeing new places and been tried to discover my self among those kind differences, lost in diversity. Ya that was fun…and giving me much experiences couldn't be valued by money. But when I get back to where I supposed to be, home…work place…people…I feels like I were not even be there where I set my feet.

How insane, where we went anywhere and feeling happy but when getting back home, It’s like I feel not went home-not return to the place where I belong…And this feeling continues for many times. It’s like holiday doesn't works and you are start craving for a…MIND ESCAPE!

So, where to go?

Where should I belong?

Perhaps I should try to explore Nepal...have some meditation class, be in the place where ...what? what people said the location of the end of the world- where it is the most remote inhabited island.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

...when I'am with you, there's no place I'd rather be...

kind of super love this song!!

..CSR again and again

When I applied a position in this new company (where I working at, now), Media Relations is vacant position opened and I thought I could be like crossing the line into other specific field to be a “communication or media person”. But, all experiences written in my resume are about CSR and Community Relations, so a month after my application submitted, they called me to be interviewed for CSR specialist position.

Well, actually…(perhaps if you see my previous post) I have been posted another page about how I now in the place where I’ve been expected about 7 years ago, about being a CSR specialist. Moving here is like simplify my job. Before, in the previous company, I’ve been like handle everything, from Government Relations, Media Relations, and Community Relations, and Issues…hmm..and Bandung-the location where I’ve been handled was quite complicated with all the community drama and community thingy.

Here, in the new position as a CSR Senior…it’s only CSR I need to watch, without media screening every single morning, without disturbed by Pak Rw, Pak Rt or any kind of sucks NGO’s…it’s only CSR, strategic and execution plus partner monitoring. Interesting and focus!

Probation months has left, I’m now permanent employee here. Months handling CSR, I end up bored. Because CSR is kind of a long term program, like plant trees-the result will come in a few years ahead, which is a field with slow-progressed rhyme. I’ve been thought, CSR will be my passion, but I’ve been thinking many times in these recent months, will I stay in this position longer. Because, I realize now I’d rather choose a very dynamic situation where everything move faster and changed so often.

I start to interested in Media Relations and Public Relational Campaign, or Digital Marketing Communication. It seems quite more dynamic!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

...Krakatau Trip

Not as fun as when we went to Pahawang Island, Lampung, but Krakatau offers great landscape scenery amazed me. We spent a lot more time inside the boat, moving from one beach to another one, it took 2 hours to get to our snorkeling spot at Sebuku Island and 2 hours more to get to Sebesi Island-where we stayed in a quite simply homestay, another 2 hours to get to Mount Krakatau and 2 hours get back to homestay, and 2 hours (again) to get back to Canti-Harbour at Lampung, fyuh!

Spotted in only 3 snorkeling location that we have been explored, but it was only one which has underwater picturesque. Most corals are broken, the beach is a bit dirty and a lot of rubbish strewn covered the surface.
Thank God, the landscape view is good. We claimbed a hills-near Krakatau Mount which took about 1 hour, did selfie anywhere and went down for breakfast before return back to snorkeling around. 

underwater of one spotted beach 

the snorkeling team

 the view from hills

 idyllic lights and scenery below the hills

see you on our next trip

Wednesday, August 06, 2014


Speechless means speechless...
I say speechless when there's quite a mess happenedre

Hard to sleep, I just get 2 hours sleeping lastnight
It was one of the restless night I've ever felt
Moment where I really need to discover myself between this mess

This morning, I leave my blanket undone 
for the first time in this recent years
Too tired to wake up, and still restless...

Realizing there will be nothing could possibly changed
and those painful will stay for a quite long time


...snorkeling club

New employee, as I said before, we don't have any leave in our first year
I though I will die realizing I don't have time for travelling, at all for over a year ahead

But, this snorkeling club office helps!

I leave snorkeling since I have been moved to Bandung 2 years ago, yes..beach-I mean pretty shore with enchanting sands is quite faraway from my hometown.

Last time snorkeling was in Amed in 2012, located in north-east Bali, Amed which close to Tulamben-an incredible paradise for divers offers a good enough underwater-sceneries and quite water. Unfortunately, it was raining season when I went to Amed, so the beach is somewhat turbid near "The Ship-wreck" location.

This snorkeling club established as a platform for the employee for stress relief-program. Such a good extracurricular for busy-Korean-company :p

My first trip was great, we went to Pahawang Island in South-Lampung. I remembered the best spot is Lok Beach (picture above), a magnificent beach white sands, blue water and warmth-weather. Lok beach located in an individual island offers picturesque sceneries...we found an-old-couple stayed there, they said the island belongs to somebody who employed them to stay there.

The other one is Tegal beach, where it has very clear water and idyllic underwater view (with quite a lot jelly fish population as well -__- ).

The most important, I've got a lot of new-buddies with similar hobby, they are fun and friendly. We plan trip in monthly basis. Our next trip is to Krakatau- islands between Lampung and Java. Krakatau is an-active volcano located in Sunda Strait.

See you soon in next trip post :)

...Just another doodling post from Eid holiday 2014

Don't take it too serious, it's just a doodling between boredom at my private studio

Windsor, a small bottle of Indian Ink I used for doodling, it's quite nice and thick

Tuesday, August 05, 2014

...less than a year, and thousand things happened !

I return back to Jakarta, and it was 6 months since I move from one place to another one
Been 2 years in Bandung, and had got more and more experiences, my previous company policy brought me back to Cibitung.

Yap! and It was one of the hardest moment, when I have to get to office by I-don't-know buses or public transport and seeing so many chaos along the road. But, actually there was still fun-side right there...I've tried to enjoy like Malayu-Music to Dangdut surrounded during my trip to office every-morning

The condition is a bit chaos, so many unresolved issues. The worst is, my head - my heart were never been there.
So Cibitung was the end point. I'm quit...

Another worse is...I was accepting in other company- which is good for my career...but it's located in Central Jakarta where you 1000 percent possibly find traffic everytime...which is hell!
This holly-molly-shitty moment was stressed me out, made me dreamed about return back to Bali. But those condition, new condition, make me stronger!
Ya, at least I would never see or noised by Rw 3 (again) LOL!

As a new employee-we're not allowed to take leave in our first year. Second thing stressed me out, Lol...It supposed to be Thai or Vietnam this year, and following a special cultural festival in Nusa Tenggara. But, yah..thank God I still could made to Kuala Lumpur and Bali during 2-weeks-jobless moment.
Anyway, we're travelling more often here in new company, so no worries...I though I wouldn't be that boring :)

Since my job here is not as busy as when I was in previous company (like babu), I have much spare time and get a long-moment with friends, easier access to many good places and local cuisine, life is good ;p

For anything I've been done in this current year, I should be happy (minus you) and believe there will be a better thing day by day...Include, should be happy by not entering Master Degree Program which I have applied last year...fyuh!

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